So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
