I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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