Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
