My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Enjoy the penises
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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