Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
