If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize