I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
