she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
