The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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