i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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