well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
