I accidentally had phone sex last night
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
FUCK WHALES
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
