Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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