i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
