Umm I'm too high to move.
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
