if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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