My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
