when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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