I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize