Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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