you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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