I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
