So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
