Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
