we're blogging at a bar
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
