Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
