My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
