just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
