I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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