Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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