ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
