One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
My cat gives me a boner
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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