Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
