I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
