youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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