That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just gift wrapped bread.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
