Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
