I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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