He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
