After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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