You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
