Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
