I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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