You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
