I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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