yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
