I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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