We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
