Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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