He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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