What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
