how can u be prego again
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
