i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
it glows. i had to have it.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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