im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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